I once sat down and read back through a month of client calls (yes, this is what I enjoy doing in my spare time LOL). And there was one line I kept hearing over and over.
“Referrals have slowed down.”
“Referrals aren’t what they used to be.”
“My whole business started (and grew) from referrals… not anymore.”
On one call, before the client had even finished saying it, I said: “I literally hear that on every call that I do.”
And I wasn’t exaggerating.
If you’re wondering how to ask for referrals without it feeling awkward or salesy, this post walks you through exactly how I’d do it, with an email and a referral blurb you can copy, paste and make yours.
The short answer
Don’t wait for referrals; ask for them on purpose. Email one happy past client, tell them you’ve got space and you’d love more people like them, and include a short blurb about you, written in the third person, that they can copy and pass along. You do the writing, so all they have to do is forward it.
Why referrals have slowed down
Here’s who I’m hearing it from:
- A brand strategist whose business was built almost entirely on referrals, and they’ve stalled.
- A web designer whose referrals still come in, but they’re all starter businesses with starter budgets.
- A PR consultant whose biggest contract just paused, leaving the pipeline suddenly empty.
- A marketing support business that lost two retainers when the clients brought the work in-house (hello, AI).
These are smart, experienced women with real track records. And almost all of them built their businesses the same way:
Someone told someone. The phone rang. Repeat.
And isn’t that the dream?! Clients just… showing up.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but…
Waiting for referrals isn’t a strategy. At best, it’s hope.
And my husband has a saying I love (and equally hate): “Hope is a terrible planning strategy.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a hopeful person. But when I’ve got my business hat on and I’m planning revenue, “I hope someone sends me a client this month” isn’t a plan. It’s wishing.
Waiting on referrals is passive revenue generation. The fix is generating revenue on purpose.
It doesn’t have to be big. Five minutes a day. Ten minutes a week. An hour a month. Just something that’s yours to do, not something you wait for.
And honestly… the best place to start is still referrals. You just ask on purpose instead of hoping.
Why people don’t refer you (even when they want to)
People ask me for referrals and testimonials all the time. If I’ve worked with them (and was pleased with the result), I always say yes.
And then I say: “Can you write it for me?”
Not because I don’t want to help. Because I’m busy, and I don’t want to get it wrong. That’s friction. And your past clients feel exactly the same way.
So remove the friction. Write it for them.
How to ask for referrals, step by step
Step 1: List the past clients you’d love more of
Start with people who’ve already paid you. They already trust you, which makes them the quickest route to revenue you’ve got.
Write down the past clients you enjoyed working with, who were happy with the result. Not your whole client list. Start with three to five names.
Step 2: Find one personal line for each
Before you email someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, do a bit of sleuthing. What are they up to? Did they launch something, win something, hire someone, post something you liked? That becomes the personal line at the top of your email, and it’s what makes it feel like it came from a human.
Step 3: Write your blurb first
The blurb (written about you, in the third person):
[Your name] helps [who] [get what result] without [the thing they dread]. [One line of proof: a result, a number, a client outcome.] If you know someone who [the specific situation they’re in], she’s worth a conversation: [link to book a call].
Yes, it’ll feel braggy and weird and uncomfortable. That’s the point. Your past client wants to get it right, so give her the words.
If you don’t want to write it yourself, drop a few client testimonials or a recent call transcript into your AI of choice and ask it to write a 3-sentence referral blurb about you in the third person. Then edit it until it sounds human.
Step 4: Write the email
Keep it short and personal:
Hi [Name],
[One personal line about them or something you worked on together.]
I’ve got a couple of spots opening up this quarter, and I’d love to fill them with people like you. Does anyone come to mind who might be a good fit?
To make it easy, I’ve written a short blurb below that you can copy and paste and pass along. No pressure at all.
—–
[Your blurb]
—–
I put five dashes above and below the blurb, so it’s obvious which part is meant to be copied and passed on.
Step 5: Name a specific person (the bonus geek move)
Look at who your past client is connected to on LinkedIn or Instagram. If you spot someone who’d be a great fit, name them:
“Would you be open to introducing me to [Name], or anyone like her?”
It’s much easier to say “oh, her!” than to think up someone from scratch.
Step 6: Send it where you already talk
Use whatever channel you and that person have actually used before: email, a text, a DM. And write it the way you’d talk if you ran into them, “here’s what I’ve been up to”, rather than as a formal request.
Step 7: Try the two-step version
For some past clients, it makes sense to ask two questions instead of one. First: how are things going, and is there anything you’re missing right now that I could help with? Then, if the answer is no: do you know anyone who could use what I do?
Either way, a “no” isn’t the end of the conversation. It’s your opening for the second ask.
Step 8: Make it a habit, not a one-off
One email to one past client won’t fix a quiet pipeline on its own. One a week will start to. Put it somewhere you’ll see it: the five minutes a day, ten minutes a week or hour a month that’s yours to do, not something you wait for.
That’s it
One email to one past client. About ten minutes.
Revenue on purpose. Not on hope.
This is Move 5 of six in Marketing for Introverts: 6 Visibility Moves That Don’t Require Performing. It’s the one move on that list where you do ask for something, but it’s still about as introvert-friendly as it gets: once your past client passes it on, someone else does the talking for you.
Want the referral email and blurb as fill-in-the-blank templates, plus the other five moves? Grab my free Visibility Pack: six visibility moves you can do from your inbox, each with the exact words to send.
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Frequently asked questions
How do you ask for referrals without being awkward?
Make it easy and specific. Email a past client you enjoyed working with, say you have space for more people like them, and include a short third-person blurb they can copy and pass on. Naming a specific person they know makes it easier still.
When is the best time to ask a client for a referral?
Any time you have a real reason to reach out and space to take on new clients. You don’t need to wait for the perfect moment. You need a personal line and a clear ask.
What should a referral request email include?
A personal line, a clear sentence that you have space and would love more clients like them, and a ready-to-forward blurb about you in the third person, with a link to book a call.
What if my past client says no or can’t think of anyone?
Thank them, and ask whether there’s anything they need help with themselves. A “no” to the referral is often the start of a different conversation.
